Mama, You Got This

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 3:40, was at the gym by 4 am, home by 5:20, showered, and back in bed by 5:40 am. Now, you might be wondering if I do this because I’m a morning person—and I’m not. I’m neither an early bird nor a night owl. I value my sleep, like most people do. But I go at 4 am because it’s the time I feel the least amount of mom guilt about leaving my children. By the time I leave, they’re both asleep (well, usually—MJ is an early riser, but she often goes back to sleep). I know exactly how long I’ll be gone, and I can focus on getting the workout done as quickly as possible.

Mom guilt is a constant companion in my life. Whether I’m leaving to go to the gym or just asking someone to help with the kids for a few hours, there’s always that feeling. Guilt for leaving them. Guilt for asking for help. Guilt for missing moments with them. Guilt for needing something for myself. Even if I’m away for only a short time, the pit in my stomach is real, and my heart races with anxiety. I’m constantly checking in, sending texts to make sure they’re okay, even when I know they are. If I’m out running errands or doing something just for me, the guilt doesn’t let up.

Sometimes, I even feel guilty when someone else has just LALA, and I still have MJ. I wonder if I’m asking too much from my parents, if I’m not doing enough, if I’m being a “bad mom.” It’s that nagging voice in my head that makes me question my choices. But I remind myself, they say it takes a village for a reason.

The truth is, I need to take care of myself to be the best version of myself for them. If I don’t, everything else becomes harder. By waking up early to hit the gym, I’m setting myself up for a more productive, more energized day. Yesterday, because I had hit the gym in the morning, I tackled everything I needed to do and even found time for a 30-minute nap. It’s not about selfishness—it’s about balance. Taking care of myself isn’t just for me; it’s for them too.